Monday Morning Long Snapper: Week 1 Edition

Week 1 is in the books in the NFL, and what a crazy and strange week it was. Every Sunday night for the next 16 weeks, Ron and Mike will take a look back at the biggest stories of the day. Each week, we'll sum up the day's action, sit down with a columnist and discuss the bigger stories, give you our fantasy studs, and look forward to the next week. As Austin Powers would say, "Awesome Baby!'

With all the generic football column names out there (come on, what is Tuesday Morning Quarterback), we thought we'd go in a different direction. We've decided to name this column "Monday Morning Long Snapper," after the Joe Zelenkas and Kevin Golds of the world.

Anyway, let's get it on! Hike it!

Monday Morning Long Snapper, Week 1 edition

Introduction

As with many things in this life, the more things change, the more they stay the same. This adage proved particularly true in Week 1 of the NFL season. From Baltimore's dominating defense to the strong performances from Donovan McNabb and Kurt Warner; from the typical New England "I'm Keith Hernandez" game to the obligatory Chicago Bears beatdown of another crappy offense (Green Bay), there was a distinct smell of familiarism in the air during Week 1. It was as if every stereotype was fulfilled, every first impression realized.

Yes, there were surprises. Who could have expected a battle between Mike Holmgren and Mike Martz-led offenses end in a 9-6 slugfest? Who would have thought Bill Parcells would have been outcoached by the immortal Jack Del Rio? Who would have expected Chad Pennington, of all people, to have the most passing yards of any quarterback on the day? But between all the surprised lay a distinct message. "To understand the future, one must remember the past."

The press report

Each week, Pradamaster and Jumbomaster sit down with a talking head as they ask us questions on Week 1. This week, we sat down with Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City Star and ESPN.COM's Page 2. Needless to say, neither he nor us could resist poking fun at his weight.

What up homies, this is Jason Whitlock, the most educated black man in the history of sports journalism. Stephen A. and Scoop ain’t got nothing on me!

Here are 5 questions I have for you Caucasian donkeys:

• Baltimore 27, Tampa Bay 0. Yeah, another Whitlock Super Bowl pick is on their way to the top! Tell me guys, am I right, or am I even more right?

Jumbomaster
Baltimore looked very impressive in week 1. The defense is looking similar to the 2000 season with Ray Lewis controlling the field. In addition Jamal Lewis will average more than 4 yards a carry, and there will be a passing offense. McNair can scramble, and if Jamal Lewis gets tired, then Mike Anderson can play just as well. The AFC North is looking like it might be the toughest division in football, but the Ravens can make a run like the Steelers did last year in case they make a wild card. Watch out for this team, as Steve McNair wins the comeback player of the year award.

Pradamaster
Baltimore definitely may be one of those teams that I was very wrong about in the preseason. Early on, I didn’t see why Steve McNair was such an upgrade, but he managed the game effectively, which is more than we could say about Kyle Boller. That defense, who I thought were a bit over the hill, certainly dominated and proved me wrong today. However, let’s not forget to criticize where criticism is due. Tampa Bay’s offense clearly hasn’t woken up from their funk that killed them against the Redskins in the playoffs last year. When Cadillac Williams isn’t running effectively, Tampa Bay’s offense officially sucks. They have a ways to go before that offense can be effective once again.

• Cincinnati 23, Kansas City 10. What is going on with my Chiefs? If you ask me, it was that block that Larry Johnson missed in the second quarter…

Jumbomaster
Remember back in 2004 the Steelers lost week 1 to the Ravens, and then won 15 straight games. Many teams are not prepared for week 1, and this might be the case for Kansas City. I feel like their defense played well holding the Bengals under 250 yards. They did have 3 turnovers which were very costly. The Chiefs need a receiver to step up to provide a 2nd dimension to the offense and then they will be successful. This is certainly not a bad football team, and look for improvements over the next couple of weeks.

Pradamaster
Whitlock, any loss that Kansas City has is LJ’s fault to you. The fact is, the man is your offense, and if Trent Green goes down, then even the great LJ can’t do anything. People don’t seem to realize that the Chiefs offense isn’t going to be the well-oiled machine that they were under Al Saunders right away. If I’m Herman Edwards, I’m putting this game as an anomaly and focusing on beating a vulnerable Denver team next week.

• Tennessee loses to the Jets. Clearly, the Titans should have never cut such an incredible black quarterback like McNair for some white stiff named Collins. No way Tennessee ever wins a game this year, right?

Jumbomaster
The Titans should run a very conservative Steelers offense. Chris Brown and Travis Henry is a very good one-two bunch, and if they can get to 3rd and manageable Kerry Collins can find Drew Bennett, David Givens, and Ben Troupe. The problem is on defense, as you all know. What might be the worst secondary ever, gave up 320 passing yards to Chad Pennington. Tennessee did show heart and coming back from a 16-0 deficit to make the game exciting. I think the Titans will improve throughout this year and finish with a 5-11 record, sweeping the Texans.

Pradamaster
Wow, Tennessee looked pretty bad against the Jets, but don’t push the panic button just yet. This isn’t a team that’s looking to contend right away. Just take your lumps, focus on building talent, especially on defense, and try to be frisky. Certainly, however, you have to be incredibly concerned about the Jets pass defense if Chad Pennington is tearing you up for 300 plus yards. Just wait until choke artist Manning rolls into town.

• Jacksonville 24, Dallas 17. It’s all Donovan’s fault, isn’t it? T.O. has nothing to do with the loss at all. Keep telling me I’m right.

Jumbomaster
Drew Bledsoe had 3 interceptions, and Julius Jones ran the ball only 17 times. This will explain why Dallas lost. Dallas needs to use the run to set up the pass, and that was very effective towards the beginning of the game. Something happened to Bledsoe (the announcer said he looked hurt) and he stopped playing effectively. Before this happened his passes were sharp and his arm looked good. He has a ton of weapons on that offense. I am still on this bandwagon as the team to beat, but Parcells has to get the defense playing well. Anything more than 17 points against the pathetic Jacksonville offense is not acceptable.

Pradamaster
No, Jason, you’re completely wrong. T.O. was fine today, ripping off a couple big plays and a TD. The problem was Bill Parcells. Julius Jones was running all over the Jaguars in the first half, and then Parcells goes to an air-it-out attack in the second half? How does that make sense? I have to wonder whether the game has passed Parcells by the last couple years. Last year, the Cowboys should have been a playoff team, but kept blowing late leads. This year, already we’ve seen Parcells lose a game his team should have won. This isn’t going to end well, mark my words.

• Finally, I leave you homies with this. I’ve tried jumping on tons of bandwagons after Week 1, only to find that I’m too fat to fit in any of the seats. If you were as skinny as I was, who’s bandwagons would you guys be jumping on? I’d let you on Baltimore’s, but I’ve taken up all the seats.

Jumbomaster
I think the 2 bandwagons most people are joining after today would be Baltimore and Philadelphia. I am going to be very bold here, I am hopping on not just 1 team, but a division. Last year Michael hopped on the NFC South after week 1. I am hopping on the NFC West. The West is commonly called the worst Division in football, but now they are 3-1 after Week 1. San Francisco's offense was very productive, as was Arizona's offense. St. Louis's defense played very well against Denver. I will not comment at this time about Arizona or San Francisco's defense I would just like to say that back in 1999 St. Louis was a favorite to win the Superbowl with the 30th ranked defense. Arizona has the new best show on turf and San Francisco is improving. At least 2 teams are making the playoffs from this division.

Pradamaster
Before I pick a team, let’s get this straight. Nothing would make me sicker than jumping on Bill Simmons’ sleeper pick, the St. Louis Rams. Plenty of idiotic internet newbies are going to jump all over the Rams because Simmons said so, despite the fact that they won one of those goofy games (6 field goals for Jeff Wilkins?) and the fact that Denver also started last year with a bona fide stinkfest (34-10 loss to Miami). Phily and Baltimore are too easy, so I’ll leave you with this team: The Cincinnati Bengals. In the preseason, I was considerably down on this team because I didn’t think they’d have the grit and toughness to win grind-it-out football games against top competition. Winning 23-10 on the road against a top team like Kansas City with the passing game doing so little? Granted, Kansas City was in its first game with a new coach, and Trent Green got hurt, but still, that’s really impressive to me. Basically, this is the type of game Cincy never had to win last year with that schedule. If they can win like this, you could be looking at your 2006 AFC champs. I know I’m doing a complete 180 on this team, but let’s be honest; we’re jumping on bandwagons here, not staying the course like George W. Bush.

Pradamaster's and Jumbomaster's Fantasy Studs:

1. Donovan McNabb: 314 passing yards, 3 TDs, 1 INT
2. Kurt Warner: 301 passing yards, 3 TDs
3. Chad Pennington: 319 passing yards, 2 TDs
4. Charlie Batch: 209 passing yards, 3 TDs
5. Jeff Wilkins: 6-7 on field goals, 3-3 from 20-29 yards, 1-1 from 30-39 yards, 1-1 from 40-49 yards, 1-2 from 50+ yards
6. Baltimore Defense: 0 points allowed, 3 INTs, 1 TD, 2 sacks
7. Chicago Defense: 0 points 2 INTs, 1 fumble recovery, 3 sacks

Crystal Ball

A quick look back at Week 1 and a look ahead to Week 2.

Prada: Alright Ron, so another season of the NFL began this week, and another fall of sitting on the coach procrastonating on overdue work has also begun. Tell me, what are the 5 most underrated things about football season beginning for a fan like yourself?
Jumbo: 1. Laughing at terrible announcing, mostly by John Madden and Brian Baldinger.
Prada: Seconded.
Jumbo: 2. Talking on instant messanger and rapidly checking nfl.com for fantasy scores while watching the games.
Prada: And to add to that, the fact that Yahoo has StatTracker available this week only, so we can check our computers and keep refreshing to waste even more time.
Jumbo: Agreed.
Jumbo: 3. Calling our fantasy buddies to trash talk, or comment about "some insane hit that sean taylor made," or "THE REFS CALLED THAT!"
Prada: Don't forget the obligatory "I'm a genius for starting Kurt Warner over Daunte Culpepper when it really was an easy decision" phone call.
Jumbo: 4. Coming up with insane nicknames for players with football buddies, like the recently discovered Amani "It is not a" Toomer. Makes the games much more enjoyable to watch.
Prada: or Reggie "My father is not a" Bush
Prada: okay maybe that one was pretty dumb
Jumbo: Reggie "I took a Deuce in my" Bush, of course referring to McAllister as well as defecating in a vagina.
Prada: Much better
Jumbo: Finally, 5. The 3 F's
Jumbo: Friends, Food, Football.
Jumbo:Honestly there is nothing better than spending Sunday with your buddies, chilling with way too much soda and pizza and watching some football.
Prada: Well said my friend, well said.

Prada: Anyway, let's look ahead to Week 2. A couple key matchups I see right away. One is Kansas City at Denver. Somehow, one of these teams is going to be 0-2. Who do you think it's going to be?
Jumbo: I think Kansas city will lose. Being on the road in Denver is virtually impossible. I am not sure if Trent Green will play, and the verdict is still out on whether Larry Johnson can be productive with Herman Edwards as his coach.
Prada: As much as I agree, Denver looked really bad against St. Louis. Those 18 points could easily have been 42, and even if Kansas City struggled on offense, they held a powerful Cincy passing attack down all game.
Prada: I'd probably take Denver too, but KC isn't as bad as they looked this week
Jumbo: Remember Cincinnati was without TJ.
Prada: This is true. And you've listen to me gush about "who's your daddy" ever since I drafted him in our fantasy league.

Prada: Anyway, let's look at the other side of the spectrum. The only current matchup of unbeatens features an early NFC West showdown between the Cardinals and the Seahawks. Is this the year the buzzaw (as Will Leitch says) finally breaks through against Seattle?
Jumbo: I think the word to describe Seattle's win today would be "unimpressive."
Prada: "Ugly" works too.
Jumbo: This should be a close game, but I feel Seattle's defense will slow down the high flying Cardinals just enough to win. Do you agree?
Prada: Honestly, I see Seattle rolling all over the Cardinals. If you give up 393 yards to the Niners and the Alex Smith Express, I don't see how you can even come close to stopping the Shaun Alexander train.

Prada: Finally, it's a bloodbath in the NFC East, as Phily plays the Giants and the Cowboys play the Skins. Who emerges from those games?
Jumbo: I am going to pick both home teams (Philadelphia and Dallas). I feel Dallas played very well at the beginning of todays game, but then got out played by Jacksonville. Philadelphia was very impressive today, and are the early front runners in the NFC.
Prada: I was not impressed with Dallas today. I don't think Jacksonville is that good a team, and Bledsoe looked pretty bad passing the ball, so I'm taking the Skins and the Eagels
Prada: The Giants didn't look bad tonight, but Phily looks awesome again. Stallworth was a huge steal.
Jumbo: Reggie Brown is also an emerging star.
Jumbo: Also, there were at least 5 times Brian Westbrook was compared to Marshall Faulk during the game.
Prada: Boy that makes me want to puke

Prada: Anyway, with 2 games on slate tomorrow, I pose this question to you:
Prada: Which happens first? Joe Theismann, fed up with Kornheiser making him look bad, comes down from the Monday Night booth and takes Mark Brunell's place as the Skins starting QB? Or Aaron Brooks goes an entire game without throwing an INT?
Jumbo: Clearly the first. Theismann is a terrible announcer and is just announcing in a pathetic attempt to recover from that hit LT put on him. In addition, Mark Brunell sucks.
Prada: Yes, but how can Theismann contradict himself in the huddle? He'll say "We're running left; it's our bread and butter" in one huddle, then gush about how "running right is definetly our strength"in the next.
Prada: Therefore, I'm taking Brooks. He's bound to have one of those Jake Plummer-like seasons at some point

Jumbo: I have a question....
Jumbo: You are in the Boston area and hear a lot about the Pats. Is this the "end of the Patriots reign" over the NFL?
Prada: I mean, are you serious?! Look around at the people in this locker room, and ask that question again!
Jumbo: You're not Tedy Bruschi
Prada: Come on, we won on a safety today! We're amazing! Buffalo ain't got nothing on us!
Jumbo: What if Buffalo got the 1st down, and scored. The scoreboard would be 24-7, and the Pats would be 0-1.
Prada: Nah man, the Pats would still have won. They can win anything. Don't question the master Belicheck!

Prada: Anyway, until tomorrow night, happy football day! You're place is secured on the bandwagon with Jason Whitlock
Jumbo: Peace.